art, Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Full Moon After Affects

This past full moon took everyone for a ride, at least everyone I know. It was a full moon in Pisces and it brought much turmoil for many.

Over the course of my time herre in Bali I have had only 2 instances where my back went out on me. The first one was because I was in fear of other people opinions. This time which happened during the full moon energy, I was worried about my mom and my financial situation.

I had a guy come to my villa who is a physiotherapist. He was here for a total of 2 hours. My friend recommened this guy and I was willing to do anything because the guy I went to last time was not available as it was on a sunday. She forwarned me about how painful it will be. She was not exaggerating. She told me that she cried and bends you in all kinds of ways.

I have done many things since I’ve been here that were not comfortable at all, so I decided I can handle it. I laid across my bed and he began. Not a massage, it was more like a fascia blasting massage. OMG! I stuck my face in the pillow and screamed, sweat and cried. This went on for 2 hours! There were a few times that I just begged him to stop in tears. In the end it was exactly what I needed to release.

No better time to release old stuff than during the full moon. During which time I was super emotional and felt very insecure. At some point I wrote down all the things I was ready to release and sent it off to the Universe.

After the full moon energies cleared up, I felt a significant change within. I began to see more, I found myself to be more claircognizant, clairaudiant, and clairsentience. My awareness has heightened drastically since the full moon. I am so grateful to have had this experience, even though it was as painful as it was; physically, mentally, spiritually.

I have released so much that it has enabled more to come forward into my life. Even my daily life has changed from running around and meeting up with everyone all the time to me just focusing on what I am here to do. I stopped listening to others’ and what they think I need to do. We all get caught up in that occasionally and I felt like I was in that for at least a month. Which brought me to the full moon. I, again, turn around and do me. I have been having dreams and visions and seeing all the signs that I am on my path. So I continue to move forward.

I have been painting as of late and it’s been quite interesting to see what shows up within my paintings. All the emotions that I was growing through in each painting.

My goal now is to continue to paint waves and watch the progression of my waves and the mood behind each one.

All part of the process, love and light to all.

~ Budderflie

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized

Still learning lessons

Being here in Bali has shown me that I need to just do me at all costs. Since the beginning of this amazing adventure I was at the mercy of my own intuition…going on my first solo trip out of country and then this covid thing happened.

As I met new people and began hearing everyone’s concerns and situations I started getting wrapped up in their emotions and decisions.

I had taken a step back and realized that they weren’t mine to take on and so I left the emotions behind and continued on with my intuition.

Around this time August 11th, there has been a wide spread panic about everyone’s visa situation. The Indonesian government announced that everyone here in a free visa/ visa exempt needed to leave by August 10th. That was July 14th. Over the course of those weeks, more people stresses over the visas than anything else. Flights are still being cancelled and so many people have no way of leaving. And if they are like me, we don’t want to leave at all, especially to America at this time.

The last week of July the Indonesian government made a second announcement saying that the deadline has been pushed to August 20. All other visa holders just need to extend their visas with no problems.

I came here on the free visa/ visa exempt so I needed to figure out how to get on the social visa before it was too late. Everyone I spoke to had so many different ideas. I have no clue what I am doing and all I could do was listen to everyone.

Going through an agency is super challenging because who can you really trust. The prices were so high. It’s not cheap to go through an agency but I really needed assistance going through the process. I was going to wait for more information and nothing came. My friends kept saying they are gonna wait…and we were all gonna do it together.

Yesterday was the last day for free visa holders to handle their shenanigans. I finally stepped out of everyones energy surrounding the visa crisis and went last Friday and handled it. I went yesterday to pay for it. Most of my friends didn’t do anything. I was worried about them u til I realized that it’s not mine and let it go.

If they are meant to stay then Bali will keep them, but when Bali is ready for you to move on you will know it. That’s a fact!

So with that being said I am learning my lessons with ease and grace. My lessons in the past have been aggressive and abrasive. Some things you would think I would have learned them already but when it creeps in like this clearly I have not. But I feel that these things were just reminders for me to stay in me and continue to listen to my needs.

I am so blessed to be in this position and the ability to see clearly. Forever grateful to Bali, the island of gods, for accepting me and welcoming me with open arms…

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Cactus Ceremony

After some time of not having internet access, I am back. This past Wednesday I participated in a Cactus Ceremony.

The intention for Cactus Ceremony is to open your heart space and allow healing. You are asked to come with your personal intentions on what you would like to heal.

For me, my intention was to heal everything that hasn’t been cleared (energetically) from my past up unto this point. So that I may move forward free and clear, open and ready to receive.

In my life at this time, I was preparing to leave Central California and go back East to see my mom and my step dad (Whom I’ve only started talking to in the past year, after 2 years of not speaking). I have healed all of my childhood wounds that came forward, however there are a several things that have been brought to my attention and in my recent past that needed healing. My intention was to clear that. And I did.

It was a 4 part ceremony. We meditated and spoke of our personal lives and pulled oracle and tarot cards. Every card pulled was on point, more of a confirmation than anything.

 

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Our Alter

 

As it turns out this entire ceremony was based on us trusting, valuing, having confidence, and understanding ourselves. Every card pulled had the word trust in it. We had set an alter and I had placed my shungite Merkabah on the alter and on top of it I placed a little stone with the word trust on it. Not knowing that the entire ceremony would be based on that word alone. Shungite is a beautiful crystal that assists in purification, most importantly for me, emotional balance. I was leaving a place I had come to know and appreciate with amazing people and I was heading to a place where I was not accepted as I child. I am a woman now and I really don’t have many fears, if at all. But nonetheless I was about to embark on a journey of the unknown. Unknowing of the outcome, so this particular crystal found me and I use it daily.

Part of the trusting, is listening to yourself. When something doesn’t sit right with you, why? what is the feeling? The sooner I can recognize the sooner I can adjust it and work on it and it will dissipate. Awareness is the key factor. If you are not aware then there is no way you can trust yourself. Because trusting yourself is listening to yourself. It really is a beautiful thing.

The last segment of the ceremony is, how can I assist the Cactus medicine in it’s healing. I thought about it for a minute and then it just came out, I am going to create a sacred space for myself wherever I go.

If you are in spiritual awareness you KNOW that you are sacred.

Well, after I said that I started thinking that I can use physical items to help me create these sacred spaces. Then, as if lightening struck, I said no I AM SACRED.

I, at that exact moment, UNDERSTOOD that I am sacred. I can say I know forever but do you really understand? I most certainly do. I now totally understand that I am sacred and I am sacred space.

When we were closing ceremony, my friend was taking us through the closing prayer and the minute she said letting go the candle burnt out. It truly was magical. So many synchronistic things were happening all night and the messages were all so loud and clear. It was beautiful.

After we closed ceremony my friend decided she was going to take a shot. I have not had a drink in 10 years. I quit drinking because my best friend said I had a problem and if I didn’t stop I would die. Then she told me she didn’t think I could do it. So I had to prove her wrong. So I stopped and did the whole AA thing.

I drank because I was running away from my problems. I couldn’t handle them without being drunk. I have gone through so much healing that I no longer have anything that I run from.

So when my friend decided to have a drink, I thought about it. I couldn’t even finish my thought before my spirit guides said it’s ok, you can have a drink. It’s about trust, right? I am so used to being put into a category of Alcoholics that society will judge me if I take a drink. That is my human side if thinking, logical, practical, old ideas and beliefs. I have learned throughout the past couple of years that I does not matter what anyone thinks of you and you just do you. Do what makes you happy and makes your heart sing.

So now the crossroads have become, do I not take a drink because society says I can’t? Or do I take a drink because I trust that I am a completely new within myself?

I am doing me and I listen to myself today! I poured 1/2 a shot of Jameson Whiskey. Every time my friend took a shot I would take a sip of my shot. It was so smooth and so nice. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. After all we were celebrating ourselves and everything that is coming. The new Us. I was truly liberating.

I was able to take a drink because I am not running from emotions or trying to hide and not confront emotions. I can have just one drink if I so choose. I am not the scared little girl anymore, I have grown into a beautiful, soulful woman. I love my life.