Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized

Still learning lessons

Being here in Bali has shown me that I need to just do me at all costs. Since the beginning of this amazing adventure I was at the mercy of my own intuition…going on my first solo trip out of country and then this covid thing happened.

As I met new people and began hearing everyone’s concerns and situations I started getting wrapped up in their emotions and decisions.

I had taken a step back and realized that they weren’t mine to take on and so I left the emotions behind and continued on with my intuition.

Around this time August 11th, there has been a wide spread panic about everyone’s visa situation. The Indonesian government announced that everyone here in a free visa/ visa exempt needed to leave by August 10th. That was July 14th. Over the course of those weeks, more people stresses over the visas than anything else. Flights are still being cancelled and so many people have no way of leaving. And if they are like me, we don’t want to leave at all, especially to America at this time.

The last week of July the Indonesian government made a second announcement saying that the deadline has been pushed to August 20. All other visa holders just need to extend their visas with no problems.

I came here on the free visa/ visa exempt so I needed to figure out how to get on the social visa before it was too late. Everyone I spoke to had so many different ideas. I have no clue what I am doing and all I could do was listen to everyone.

Going through an agency is super challenging because who can you really trust. The prices were so high. It’s not cheap to go through an agency but I really needed assistance going through the process. I was going to wait for more information and nothing came. My friends kept saying they are gonna wait…and we were all gonna do it together.

Yesterday was the last day for free visa holders to handle their shenanigans. I finally stepped out of everyones energy surrounding the visa crisis and went last Friday and handled it. I went yesterday to pay for it. Most of my friends didn’t do anything. I was worried about them u til I realized that it’s not mine and let it go.

If they are meant to stay then Bali will keep them, but when Bali is ready for you to move on you will know it. That’s a fact!

So with that being said I am learning my lessons with ease and grace. My lessons in the past have been aggressive and abrasive. Some things you would think I would have learned them already but when it creeps in like this clearly I have not. But I feel that these things were just reminders for me to stay in me and continue to listen to my needs.

I am so blessed to be in this position and the ability to see clearly. Forever grateful to Bali, the island of gods, for accepting me and welcoming me with open arms…

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Therapy, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Defining Moments…

The most defining moment in my life that I can recall at this time is when I found my voice and stood up for myself. There are only 2 situations that I can recall that were the most profound.

There had been only one time previous that I can recall that I stood up for myself before I had this defining moment. I was working at a restaurant in New York and I was minding my own business. A new guy began working and he was kind of a bully. Every time I was at the computer he would touch the screen and order things and send them while I am trying to place the customers order. This had been going on for just over a week. Finally one day I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided at the end of the shift I was going to confront him. I walked into the back of the house and I saw my friend in the locker rooom area and then turned the corner and saw this guy clocking out.

I approached him with ease and grace and said, hey I just want you to know that I don’t appreciate you fucking with me.

He looks at me half smiling and half like omg, then says I was just joking around.

I told him, I don’t know you from a hole in the wall, you cannot joke with me like that because I don’t know you. Please stop. Are we good?

The look in his eyes, he was scared. He nodded and took off, fast.

I clocked out and my friend in the locker room heard everything and she started clapping and laughing. She looked at me with a huge smile and then we both started laughing. I walked back out to the dining area and the guy and I were walking towards each other and not on purpose. The moment he looked up from the floor and saw me, he took a quick turn and ran outta there.

Over the course of the week I hadn’t seen him anymore. He apparently quit. This seemed to be the first time I remember standing up for myself.

The next most defining moment was when I was breaking up with my ex. I had been manipulated and trapped. There was a point of awakening and I called it quits.

I came home from work at midnight, I knew I would be tired and calm. We went to the backyard and had the discussion. My ex asked if I was ready to work on us. My heart was pounding and my nerves were vibrating. My soul was screaming for me to speak my truth as I stuttered and focused on breathing. Finally it came out…. No, I’m done. I’m tired of trying.

In that moment, I realized my life was about to change dramatically. But my soul sang and my shoulders relaxed. In my head I kept saying, holy shit did I just say that… It was a major step into my authentic self. We had been together for just under 7 years I think.

My soul never felt so alive. I stayed the night and left the next day.

From that moment on, I would discover the Budderflie I am meant to be.

Everyday is a little different but I am 98% authentically myself daily. I say 98% because I am human and sometimes I get sucked into other peoples bullshit. But then I come out and breathe me back in. Trusting in self and believing in self are 2 key components to being authentically you, in my opinion.

I have so much gratitude for all my guides throughout these years. They have all helped me become the person I am meant to be. Thank you for your support in helping me find my voice and believing in me. Lots of love….

Love, Light and Healing,

Budderflie