Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Therapy, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Defining Moments…

The most defining moment in my life that I can recall at this time is when I found my voice and stood up for myself. There are only 2 situations that I can recall that were the most profound.

There had been only one time previous that I can recall that I stood up for myself before I had this defining moment. I was working at a restaurant in New York and I was minding my own business. A new guy began working and he was kind of a bully. Every time I was at the computer he would touch the screen and order things and send them while I am trying to place the customers order. This had been going on for just over a week. Finally one day I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided at the end of the shift I was going to confront him. I walked into the back of the house and I saw my friend in the locker rooom area and then turned the corner and saw this guy clocking out.

I approached him with ease and grace and said, hey I just want you to know that I don’t appreciate you fucking with me.

He looks at me half smiling and half like omg, then says I was just joking around.

I told him, I don’t know you from a hole in the wall, you cannot joke with me like that because I don’t know you. Please stop. Are we good?

The look in his eyes, he was scared. He nodded and took off, fast.

I clocked out and my friend in the locker room heard everything and she started clapping and laughing. She looked at me with a huge smile and then we both started laughing. I walked back out to the dining area and the guy and I were walking towards each other and not on purpose. The moment he looked up from the floor and saw me, he took a quick turn and ran outta there.

Over the course of the week I hadn’t seen him anymore. He apparently quit. This seemed to be the first time I remember standing up for myself.

The next most defining moment was when I was breaking up with my ex. I had been manipulated and trapped. There was a point of awakening and I called it quits.

I came home from work at midnight, I knew I would be tired and calm. We went to the backyard and had the discussion. My ex asked if I was ready to work on us. My heart was pounding and my nerves were vibrating. My soul was screaming for me to speak my truth as I stuttered and focused on breathing. Finally it came out…. No, I’m done. I’m tired of trying.

In that moment, I realized my life was about to change dramatically. But my soul sang and my shoulders relaxed. In my head I kept saying, holy shit did I just say that… It was a major step into my authentic self. We had been together for just under 7 years I think.

My soul never felt so alive. I stayed the night and left the next day.

From that moment on, I would discover the Budderflie I am meant to be.

Everyday is a little different but I am 98% authentically myself daily. I say 98% because I am human and sometimes I get sucked into other peoples bullshit. But then I come out and breathe me back in. Trusting in self and believing in self are 2 key components to being authentically you, in my opinion.

I have so much gratitude for all my guides throughout these years. They have all helped me become the person I am meant to be. Thank you for your support in helping me find my voice and believing in me. Lots of love….

Love, Light and Healing,

Budderflie

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Travel

Transition

I have been here in Florida for just about a month now. The first week was busy trying to prepare my new room and get comfy. Going out and buying things I didn’t know I needed till I got here. Exhausted from travel and wiped out from moving everything around my room 15 hundred times, I felt cozy enough to say I am done with my room.

The following week I went out to find a job and got one by the end of the week. I was ready to start working. I had spent most of my travel money and was ready to start bringing in some fresh new money. I started training the following week and had to work mornings. Mind you I was working at another restaurant at 11am, here I am working at 10:15am. An hour is a difference. So now I need to figure out timing without stress in the morning.

When I official started working it was right before Thanksgiving, I have yet to find a routine or any sort of consistency in my day to day life. Due to moving to a place I’ve never even seen or been to, moving in with my sister and her boyfriend, starting a new job, not knowing anyone besides my sister, my body started to react.

I have been bloated since after thanksgiving, I have been breaking out in hives on my face and my sleep has been greatly affected. All that boils down to is fear and resistance.

I have been through these emotions numerous times and I subconsciously know what to do. However in a state of panic from not sleeping well, thinking clearly has been quite challenging.

Since this new moon and the beginning of December, I have been able to slow down and sit with self. Before bed, I practiced deep breathing exercises and listened to binaural beats on youtube for releasing. That has helped with my sleep along with sleeping with my carnelian crystal sphere, which promotes de-bloating in your sacral chakra.

During the day I have been meditating on releasing old ideas and surrendering. I need to flow down stream and stop resisting. I have been resisting the change and transition and the only reason I can think of is fear. Am I going to make it down here? Am I going to make enough money? Can I afford to live in this type of area? There are so many things to do and place to go…

I am blocking myself and it’s uncomfortable, but I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I have been talking to self about why this is so different than everywhere else, when I realized it’s because I say I am only here till march 1st. Then I’m off on the trip of a lifetime. So now I have given myself, subconsciously a deadline to which, what if I fail….

No matter what life throws at us, as long as you try, there is no failing. You only die once and you live everyday…right?! So one foot in front of the other and let it all go….

Release and relax, these are all lessons that I need to grow through at this time. Quite honestly, all week I have been sleeping through the night. Sometimes I can figure out what is going on with me right away and heal it and then there are times when I am challenged with what is really going on.

This is all part of transitioning into a new book of my life and I am totally grateful for these uncomfortable moments; because I can learn from them and be done with them. It is just making me a stronger, more intuitive and a braver being.

Taking my power back, releasing resistance. Allowing the transition...
Feeling Confident and stepping back into my power