Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Awareness

Just recently I had been working online doing graphic design. While in the past I chose to only do it for the fun of it and I chose who I worked with so that I can ensure the funness of it all. I had been working for this company for 5 months. It was for a new boutique hotel and they required many things. Sure I have no problem doing these things and some were very challenging but I was open and willing to make it all happen.

I took off a couple of days for New Years Eve and Day. I went outta town without my laptop and realized how exhausted I was and how miserable I was. I hadn’t been able to focus on myself at all. Sure a little self care here and there but nothing like I am used to. It was in that moment, solely because I had 2 days of not working, that I realized that I was no longer having fun and I missed ME.

I told my boyfriend that when I get back I am going to tell them that I am leaving so I can figure out what it is I really need to do. I really don’t like confrontation but it had to be done. Of course the people I work for are so amazing and super supportive so I was feeling guilty for hanging them out to dry but I really needed to focus on self and my future. Not to mention my time was up at the place I was living so I needed to move out as well.

For me, I am one who likes to start things on a Monday and I love when the numbers align. I had come to realize that the beginning of the year started with a full moon and at the end of January was a full moon. I was so excited to come to that realization that I decided that I would leave this position at the end of January and start focusing on me in February. Which gets even better because Feb 1st is a monday! And the full moons for me are about releasing and letting go.

So I claimed February 1st as my New Year and New Years Eve I moved out and went to the beach for a BBQ and a beautiful sunset.

I am typically aware of what goes on in my life and what is happening with me; but during that transit, I couldn’t see anything till I stopped for those couple of days and became aware. I realized I was no longer following my heart’s desires. I was not put on this planet to do graphic design. I do that because it brings me joy until it doesn’t. That’s when I realized I was done and by becoming aware of this I have the power to change it.

My suggestion to you all, next time you feel something just isn’t right, take the time to become aware of why. Become aware of the emotions you feel when you think of what is happening, your attitude towards it, your sleeping and your eating behaviors’. Those are all clues that you are not in alignment with what you are supposed to be doing…which is following your heart. Trust your intuition, it will never steer you wrong.

Awareness is key, it’s the first step to a happier self. Only you have the power to change….

With Love,

Budderflie

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized

Still learning lessons

Being here in Bali has shown me that I need to just do me at all costs. Since the beginning of this amazing adventure I was at the mercy of my own intuition…going on my first solo trip out of country and then this covid thing happened.

As I met new people and began hearing everyone’s concerns and situations I started getting wrapped up in their emotions and decisions.

I had taken a step back and realized that they weren’t mine to take on and so I left the emotions behind and continued on with my intuition.

Around this time August 11th, there has been a wide spread panic about everyone’s visa situation. The Indonesian government announced that everyone here in a free visa/ visa exempt needed to leave by August 10th. That was July 14th. Over the course of those weeks, more people stresses over the visas than anything else. Flights are still being cancelled and so many people have no way of leaving. And if they are like me, we don’t want to leave at all, especially to America at this time.

The last week of July the Indonesian government made a second announcement saying that the deadline has been pushed to August 20. All other visa holders just need to extend their visas with no problems.

I came here on the free visa/ visa exempt so I needed to figure out how to get on the social visa before it was too late. Everyone I spoke to had so many different ideas. I have no clue what I am doing and all I could do was listen to everyone.

Going through an agency is super challenging because who can you really trust. The prices were so high. It’s not cheap to go through an agency but I really needed assistance going through the process. I was going to wait for more information and nothing came. My friends kept saying they are gonna wait…and we were all gonna do it together.

Yesterday was the last day for free visa holders to handle their shenanigans. I finally stepped out of everyones energy surrounding the visa crisis and went last Friday and handled it. I went yesterday to pay for it. Most of my friends didn’t do anything. I was worried about them u til I realized that it’s not mine and let it go.

If they are meant to stay then Bali will keep them, but when Bali is ready for you to move on you will know it. That’s a fact!

So with that being said I am learning my lessons with ease and grace. My lessons in the past have been aggressive and abrasive. Some things you would think I would have learned them already but when it creeps in like this clearly I have not. But I feel that these things were just reminders for me to stay in me and continue to listen to my needs.

I am so blessed to be in this position and the ability to see clearly. Forever grateful to Bali, the island of gods, for accepting me and welcoming me with open arms…

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Intuition

I woke up in time to go to either yoga class, but deep down I couldn’t figure out which one I felt like going to. I really wanted to run my errands and I had to work at 4pm. So being that I just woke up and couldn’t make any decisions for myself first thing, I went to my pendulum to ask which class I am going to.

My Pendulums

I wake it up and ask, it proceeds to tell me that I am not going to either. I ask are you just being intuitive, and the reply was yes. So I decided to run my errands. I get up shower and go.

As I drive to my first destination, I enjoy the music playing in my car and the sun that is shining bright through my sunroof. I feel as though I’m living heaven on earth. So peaceful and at ease.

I pull in and park my car and realize that I will still have time to get to the next yoga class when I am done. I get out of my car and smell some weird rubber burning smell. I look around and notice they are doing construction. But it didn’t seem as if it was that. I walk around to the other side of my car and didn’t smell anything. I retrace my steps to the drivers side again and stuck my nose in the tires to see if it was my car. Sure enough, it was my rear tire. I decided to go in and get what I needed and then come back and regroup.

When I came back outside I googled burning rubber smell in tire. It came up with all these things that were not something a new car owner would want to hear. So I immediately called the dealership and told them I don’t feel comfortable driving around in my car with whatever may be happening. Greg, was on the rcvg end and graciously got me within 15 mins.

As I sat on the bench outside of the dealership I began to realize that my pendulum knew. And as I pondered the intuitive aspect of myself and the pendulum, I see my first butterfly of the season. Blessed to witness nature and all of it’s creations.

Greg came out with the mechanic and told me that it was a slide that bound. So they loosened it up in the brake. Great, done. I go in to grab my keys and get the paperwork done and this little lady comes racing up to me…

“OMG, you bought my car!!! You know the color of that car is called sandy beach?”

I was slightly confused for a minute and then when she said that about the color I realized this is the previous owner, and how cool because I live on the beach. She begins to tell me how she named her car “GIGI” short for Great Granma. my jaw just about fell out of my skin, I named her Golden Goddess and my dad calls her GIGI for short.

I must mention what this lovely lady looked like. She’s a granma, wearing flip flops and yoga capri pants. She had a tank top on and a hot pink long cardigan and her hair was white, and dyed it purple.

I thought to myself, of course you were the previous owner…I am so grateful that it was this lovely funky woman. She was the sole owner until I purchased it. With less than 50k miles, she said don’t you just love her, we didn’t really go anywhere. She will take great care of you.

I asked her if I can take a picture of her with the car. She loved it. At our parting, I had a citrine crystal in my car and I felt I needed to give it to her. We hugged and we left each other with the greatest feeling. Literally made my day and hers.

Bobby with GiGi

Thank you so much Bobby, for approaching me. So grateful I met you, you have a beautiful soul and spirit!

My pendulum knew something was going to happen that I wouldn’t make it to yoga. And I am so glad this was the reason.

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Different perspective

I understand what I’ve done in my life and being who I am, I see many things I’ve done as not such a big deal. But when you encounter someone whom you have never met and somehow things come up in conversation… Beautiful things begin to unfold in the most peculiar places.

I was at the bank this morning and the topic of me moving to Maine from California came up. The young lady behind the counter remarked about how she wished she coukd just pick up and go somewhere. Its something shes always wanted,to do but has been to afraid to do such things.

I let her know, that its about facing your fears and walking through them. You do not want to look back at your life and say to yourself, man I wish I did that way back,when. Instead, follow your joy. That is who you are meant to be. By listening to your “gut” aka intuition, you can never go wrong. Because at least you tried!

The more often you follow your joy the more you will rcv bigger and better positive things, acts, love. All because you followed your joy. No matter how “scary” it was.

Everything turned out exactly the way it was supposed to. You are in control. Please do not live behind your fear…

I did for most of my life, I am beyond grateful that I can move and walk through my fear. No matter how uncomfortable it is, knowing that its for my greatest and highest good.

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Spring Awakening

February is finally over. Let me just recap this past month for you from my own experiences. Feb 1st (a Friday) I went on an interview that wasn’t my idea, nor my soul’s idea. However, living with your parents for the first time in decades, their idealisms began to seep into my subconscious; making me believe that I needed another job and that I should go get one.

Over the weekend I came to the realization that it wasn’t mine. The interview, the idea was not mine. Monday or Tuesday I replied to their offer of acceptance and turned them down. The next morning I wake up with a locked back.

The following week, almost 99% healed, I slip on the ice and end up with whiplash for the next week. As a matter of fact, it was Valentines Day. I slowly heal from that and by the following week I am 100% better just to begin having car issues.

Literally a week to that day happened to be Friday the 1st, March. My car died. Oh my what a month.

February was a month of deep inner reflection. I honestly feel that it was for releasing my past and everything that no longer serves me now. Thoughts, beliefs, anything that had low vibrating energies were released, forcefully. lol.

Gratitude for becoming aware of all of these things allowed me to step into the light and see things, again, in a new light. In a more loving and compassionate way, with gentleness and ease.

Today marks a mercury retrograde. March 2nd, I declared that this retrograde is going to come and go with ease and grace. I am going to be shining inside and out, radiating positivity and nothing can get me down.

I just created a vision board last night. When I create vision boards, my intentions are to create, what inspires me and subconsciously everything that ends up on my boards is everything I need to hear, see or understand. This particular vision board is all about awakenings and standing in the light, being authentically me. Starting fresh, renewed, Spring awakening!

vision board
Spring Awakening 2019

And spring is literally around the corner. Having my vehicle die when it did, made me realize that I had been holding onto California for what it represented. I had been living in California on and off for my entire life. This most recent venture was for 7 years. The only other ID I’ve had was NH when I got my drivers license. I’ve lived in many states and only ID’d myself in 2. That changed in January when I became an official Maine state resident. And I never changed over my vehicle info, I was going to wait till the tags ran out but my car died before that happened.

me and my car
Just outside of Chaco Canyon New Mexico. September 2018

So looking back, subconsciously, I didn’t want to want to lose that part of me; the California identity. I already changed my ID and to change my car over it would feel permanent and my identity lost.

It took me till just now to realize this…Thank you for allowing me to spill and let it roll. That’s a huge revelation and gratitude is all I have. Wow…

Now is the time to let go. I release, and so it is. Gone

I am 100% ready for my new life and new energy.

Love, Light and Healing,

Budderflie