Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Spring Awakening

February is finally over. Let me just recap this past month for you from my own experiences. Feb 1st (a Friday) I went on an interview that wasn’t my idea, nor my soul’s idea. However, living with your parents for the first time in decades, their idealisms began to seep into my subconscious; making me believe that I needed another job and that I should go get one.

Over the weekend I came to the realization that it wasn’t mine. The interview, the idea was not mine. Monday or Tuesday I replied to their offer of acceptance and turned them down. The next morning I wake up with a locked back.

The following week, almost 99% healed, I slip on the ice and end up with whiplash for the next week. As a matter of fact, it was Valentines Day. I slowly heal from that and by the following week I am 100% better just to begin having car issues.

Literally a week to that day happened to be Friday the 1st, March. My car died. Oh my what a month.

February was a month of deep inner reflection. I honestly feel that it was for releasing my past and everything that no longer serves me now. Thoughts, beliefs, anything that had low vibrating energies were released, forcefully. lol.

Gratitude for becoming aware of all of these things allowed me to step into the light and see things, again, in a new light. In a more loving and compassionate way, with gentleness and ease.

Today marks a mercury retrograde. March 2nd, I declared that this retrograde is going to come and go with ease and grace. I am going to be shining inside and out, radiating positivity and nothing can get me down.

I just created a vision board last night. When I create vision boards, my intentions are to create, what inspires me and subconsciously everything that ends up on my boards is everything I need to hear, see or understand. This particular vision board is all about awakenings and standing in the light, being authentically me. Starting fresh, renewed, Spring awakening!

vision board
Spring Awakening 2019

And spring is literally around the corner. Having my vehicle die when it did, made me realize that I had been holding onto California for what it represented. I had been living in California on and off for my entire life. This most recent venture was for 7 years. The only other ID I’ve had was NH when I got my drivers license. I’ve lived in many states and only ID’d myself in 2. That changed in January when I became an official Maine state resident. And I never changed over my vehicle info, I was going to wait till the tags ran out but my car died before that happened.

me and my car
Just outside of Chaco Canyon New Mexico. September 2018

So looking back, subconsciously, I didn’t want to want to lose that part of me; the California identity. I already changed my ID and to change my car over it would feel permanent and my identity lost.

It took me till just now to realize this…Thank you for allowing me to spill and let it roll. That’s a huge revelation and gratitude is all I have. Wow…

Now is the time to let go. I release, and so it is. Gone

I am 100% ready for my new life and new energy.

Love, Light and Healing,

Budderflie

Metaphysical, New Beginnings

New Town New Beginnings

I just kind of got settled in my old home town of York Maine. I flew into Boston on Saturday and I will be here till September.

I have settling in and in doing so I wanted to look around for like minded people. So I went on Meetup.com where I had found most of my like minded friends in California. I found a local meetup in Portsmouth, NH for a sound and reiki healing meditation. I had no expectations walking into it.

There ended up being 3 reiki masters including myself, we went around the room to about 15 or so people. We each did reiki on someone, I happen to work on 4 women. It was a mix of men and women.

It was great, I enjoyed helping these women. At the close of the meetup, I went to each of the women that I performed reiki on and told them what I felt and saw. One woman cried as she hugged me in gratitude. I was able to meet each of their spirit guides and share them with the ladies, individually of course.

My spiritual coach/ friend/ teacher/ guide and I did the ceremony last Wednesday before I left California to start on my new journey, she looked at me and said you are about to start your journey over there as a teacher. You are no longer a student. And she is right, everything that I am doing or saying is affecting the ones close to me. For the greatest and highest good.

I am truly blessed to be on this new journey and very excited to meet new people. This is no longer a chapter in a book, this is definitely a sequel.

Love, Light and Healing

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Cactus Ceremony

After some time of not having internet access, I am back. This past Wednesday I participated in a Cactus Ceremony.

The intention for Cactus Ceremony is to open your heart space and allow healing. You are asked to come with your personal intentions on what you would like to heal.

For me, my intention was to heal everything that hasn’t been cleared (energetically) from my past up unto this point. So that I may move forward free and clear, open and ready to receive.

In my life at this time, I was preparing to leave Central California and go back East to see my mom and my step dad (Whom I’ve only started talking to in the past year, after 2 years of not speaking). I have healed all of my childhood wounds that came forward, however there are a several things that have been brought to my attention and in my recent past that needed healing. My intention was to clear that. And I did.

It was a 4 part ceremony. We meditated and spoke of our personal lives and pulled oracle and tarot cards. Every card pulled was on point, more of a confirmation than anything.

 

0620181915
Our Alter

 

As it turns out this entire ceremony was based on us trusting, valuing, having confidence, and understanding ourselves. Every card pulled had the word trust in it. We had set an alter and I had placed my shungite Merkabah on the alter and on top of it I placed a little stone with the word trust on it. Not knowing that the entire ceremony would be based on that word alone. Shungite is a beautiful crystal that assists in purification, most importantly for me, emotional balance. I was leaving a place I had come to know and appreciate with amazing people and I was heading to a place where I was not accepted as I child. I am a woman now and I really don’t have many fears, if at all. But nonetheless I was about to embark on a journey of the unknown. Unknowing of the outcome, so this particular crystal found me and I use it daily.

Part of the trusting, is listening to yourself. When something doesn’t sit right with you, why? what is the feeling? The sooner I can recognize the sooner I can adjust it and work on it and it will dissipate. Awareness is the key factor. If you are not aware then there is no way you can trust yourself. Because trusting yourself is listening to yourself. It really is a beautiful thing.

The last segment of the ceremony is, how can I assist the Cactus medicine in it’s healing. I thought about it for a minute and then it just came out, I am going to create a sacred space for myself wherever I go.

If you are in spiritual awareness you KNOW that you are sacred.

Well, after I said that I started thinking that I can use physical items to help me create these sacred spaces. Then, as if lightening struck, I said no I AM SACRED.

I, at that exact moment, UNDERSTOOD that I am sacred. I can say I know forever but do you really understand? I most certainly do. I now totally understand that I am sacred and I am sacred space.

When we were closing ceremony, my friend was taking us through the closing prayer and the minute she said letting go the candle burnt out. It truly was magical. So many synchronistic things were happening all night and the messages were all so loud and clear. It was beautiful.

After we closed ceremony my friend decided she was going to take a shot. I have not had a drink in 10 years. I quit drinking because my best friend said I had a problem and if I didn’t stop I would die. Then she told me she didn’t think I could do it. So I had to prove her wrong. So I stopped and did the whole AA thing.

I drank because I was running away from my problems. I couldn’t handle them without being drunk. I have gone through so much healing that I no longer have anything that I run from.

So when my friend decided to have a drink, I thought about it. I couldn’t even finish my thought before my spirit guides said it’s ok, you can have a drink. It’s about trust, right? I am so used to being put into a category of Alcoholics that society will judge me if I take a drink. That is my human side if thinking, logical, practical, old ideas and beliefs. I have learned throughout the past couple of years that I does not matter what anyone thinks of you and you just do you. Do what makes you happy and makes your heart sing.

So now the crossroads have become, do I not take a drink because society says I can’t? Or do I take a drink because I trust that I am a completely new within myself?

I am doing me and I listen to myself today! I poured 1/2 a shot of Jameson Whiskey. Every time my friend took a shot I would take a sip of my shot. It was so smooth and so nice. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. After all we were celebrating ourselves and everything that is coming. The new Us. I was truly liberating.

I was able to take a drink because I am not running from emotions or trying to hide and not confront emotions. I can have just one drink if I so choose. I am not the scared little girl anymore, I have grown into a beautiful, soulful woman. I love my life.

 

Blog, New Beginnings, Thoughts

New Day New Chapter

Today marks a new chapter for me. Even the generic horoscopes say it is time for Taurus’s to begin a new chapter. Yesterday was my last yard sale and I learned to let go of everything. I jumped in the pool and cleansed my soul of the past and lessons learned.

Today my friend and I, both Taurus’s, did some self pampering. We went out and bought ourselves some very much needed, new flip flops. She got 4 pair and I 5! I was so excited because I was going to put those bad boys on right after we got a mani/pedi!

I have not had a manicure or pedicure for at least 5 years! Today we indulged, much deserved and needed for my new chapter.

Phase 1- Own IT! Embrace your beauty, be confident, be bold, be YOU!

Phase 2- Live IT! Don’t just feel it on the inside, share it with the World! Don’t hide behind clothes that don’t fit or makeup and hats. Rock that body, Don’t hide it!

Phase 2 is what I am currently working on…I let go of most of my old clothing that didn’t fit me and I will be living in my workout clothes and shorts until I go back East where I will go shopping tax free. Which gives me time to figure out my new style! Which I kind of already have but I’m being patient. No need to rush anything. As I need it, I will get it. Hence, my desperately needed new flip flops.

I already don’t wear make-up so that’s easy and I stopped wearing hats because I lived in hats for the past 6 years, while being in someone else’s reality. I dressed like a boy in unattractive men’s clothing and rarely felt like the woman I am. That part of me is gone, I am not that “girl” anymore.

I am a Woman!

I love myself…I am embracing myself

That’s real talk!

Love, Light and Healing

xoxo

Photo Credit: Me, Jennifer Downey

 

Blog, New Beginnings, Thoughts

Completion

Today marks the end of my lessons in letting go. As a Taurus, I hold possessiveness to my belongs. Don’t touch my things, how dare you use my stuff and so on. If you are a Taurus or know a Taurus, you totally know what I mean.

I am in the middle of a major change in my life, which is 100% unknown. However I am moving out of my second apartment in a year after a break up and travelling back East for the summer to work.

While moving out of my ex’s home, I didn’t have time to go through everything, so I took everything. I made probably 5-6 trips total within several days for a couple of hours at a time, only when I was allowed to go over there.

When I moved into the new place, I basically moved into a bedroom but I had a backyard I could store things into. Mind you I love yard sales, so I was able to let go of things that no longer served me.

I stayed at this place of residence for just about 6 months before I had to move out. Due to unhealthy living circumstances, extremely toxic. I really never left my bedroom except to use the restroom and smoke, I always ate out.

I had 4 yard sales before I left. I was moving in with a friend who has her living space exactly the way she likes it. No clutter. No storage. Moving into another bedroom. I was totally ok with that as I was learning how to let go.

I packed my room to the best of my ability, I had space in the hall closet and the bathroom to store some small things. I had no space for all of my art and projects that truly brought me joy. I had to let go of so much. But I found friends that would allow me store my creative works at their houses. Blessed! I choose not to live without joy!

So now after 5 months of living at my friends house, I have been called to go somewhere else. I have been preparing my plate since February, what am I going to do, where am I going, how am I going to get there and so forth.

I have had the chance to slowly go through all of my personal items and slowly release all of my personal belongings including the emotional attachments. This has been the most liberating experience of letting go.

Letting go of personal things that have meaning and emotional ties is not something that comes so easily to the Taurus woman. But I did it.

Today I had my final yard sale. I didn’t sell everything but I was emotionally strong enough to bag and box it up to donate it. Today was really muggy and warm, rarely did the sun peak out and my ex and my roommate came to the yard sale at the end to say hi and deliver something to my friend I was having the yard sale with. It was very awkward for me to be selling things that “WE” had together and she bought. Very weird. But I did ok.

As I was boxing and bagging everything up, every box I picked up had a ton of pincher bugs in them. So weird. But my friend told me that they represent major change and that made so much sense.

I pull cards for myself occasionally and for the past several pulls, they have been talking about completion. My horoscope specifically talked about the end of a cycle on Saturday, meaning today.

This yard sale was my completion, letting go of absolutely everything I could. I then decided I couldn’t handle the heat and everything was picked up, so I was the first of the season to jump into my friends pool. It was freezing yet super refreshing.

Later this evening I was called to pull oracle cards, one in which said Water. It’s meaning, Cleansing yourself of the old for a new beginning. WTF

So awesome. What a day. Surrounded by people I love all day and blessed to have these people in my lives.

Thank you Leslie, Michael, Crystal, and especially my Dad. I look forward to this new chapter, my personal journey.

Love, Light and Healing

xoxo