Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Awareness

Just recently I had been working online doing graphic design. While in the past I chose to only do it for the fun of it and I chose who I worked with so that I can ensure the funness of it all. I had been working for this company for 5 months. It was for a new boutique hotel and they required many things. Sure I have no problem doing these things and some were very challenging but I was open and willing to make it all happen.

I took off a couple of days for New Years Eve and Day. I went outta town without my laptop and realized how exhausted I was and how miserable I was. I hadn’t been able to focus on myself at all. Sure a little self care here and there but nothing like I am used to. It was in that moment, solely because I had 2 days of not working, that I realized that I was no longer having fun and I missed ME.

I told my boyfriend that when I get back I am going to tell them that I am leaving so I can figure out what it is I really need to do. I really don’t like confrontation but it had to be done. Of course the people I work for are so amazing and super supportive so I was feeling guilty for hanging them out to dry but I really needed to focus on self and my future. Not to mention my time was up at the place I was living so I needed to move out as well.

For me, I am one who likes to start things on a Monday and I love when the numbers align. I had come to realize that the beginning of the year started with a full moon and at the end of January was a full moon. I was so excited to come to that realization that I decided that I would leave this position at the end of January and start focusing on me in February. Which gets even better because Feb 1st is a monday! And the full moons for me are about releasing and letting go.

So I claimed February 1st as my New Year and New Years Eve I moved out and went to the beach for a BBQ and a beautiful sunset.

I am typically aware of what goes on in my life and what is happening with me; but during that transit, I couldn’t see anything till I stopped for those couple of days and became aware. I realized I was no longer following my heart’s desires. I was not put on this planet to do graphic design. I do that because it brings me joy until it doesn’t. That’s when I realized I was done and by becoming aware of this I have the power to change it.

My suggestion to you all, next time you feel something just isn’t right, take the time to become aware of why. Become aware of the emotions you feel when you think of what is happening, your attitude towards it, your sleeping and your eating behaviors’. Those are all clues that you are not in alignment with what you are supposed to be doing…which is following your heart. Trust your intuition, it will never steer you wrong.

Awareness is key, it’s the first step to a happier self. Only you have the power to change….

With Love,

Budderflie

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Travel, Uncategorized

Bittersweet Endings

My time here in Florida has come to an end. I leave this beautiful state on Saturday. I have come to Florida with the intention on being here for only 4 months and reconnecting with my sister.

Girls Day

My time here was challenging and amazing. The first 2 months were just thinking too much and not living my life to the fullest. I had no routine and was all over the place. As time progressed I realized this and decided to let it all just be. That time was January. Funny, had to clear the year and decade to move forward.

As the new year began, everything literally began to change. Mostly due to perception and acceptance. I then began to live my life in pure gratitude, again. Work dynamics changed for the better, the people I surrounded myself with changed for the better, my thoughts have been consistently positive.

I started going out and letting loose, what a relief from the way I was feeling last year. And now here it is, I am leaving. My original intentions for moving down here was to build a relationship with my younger sister and work to make some extra cash for my upcoming trip; and to check out the area, as I haven’t yet found a place I would like to root down in.

I can tell you that I now have a fabulous relationship with my sister, I did make some money and I made some life long connections.

I do love the area I live in because it reminds me of Long Beach, CA. Everything about it is so similar. However, I don’t feel this is the place for me and I am ok with my continued search. I know deep down that I will be moving over seas somewhere before the end of the year.

I will miss my people here but once again, it’s time to move on. I made sure to take Thursday and Friday off for spending time with my sister and packing. Then Saturday morning I’m off, headed back to Maine before I jump on a plane for a 2 month trip.

I am so grateful for my time here, wouldn’t have changed anything except learning of publix subs and ordering online sooner!

The end of a beautiful chapter, just to start the biggest new beginning ever…

Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Travel

Transition

I have been here in Florida for just about a month now. The first week was busy trying to prepare my new room and get comfy. Going out and buying things I didn’t know I needed till I got here. Exhausted from travel and wiped out from moving everything around my room 15 hundred times, I felt cozy enough to say I am done with my room.

The following week I went out to find a job and got one by the end of the week. I was ready to start working. I had spent most of my travel money and was ready to start bringing in some fresh new money. I started training the following week and had to work mornings. Mind you I was working at another restaurant at 11am, here I am working at 10:15am. An hour is a difference. So now I need to figure out timing without stress in the morning.

When I official started working it was right before Thanksgiving, I have yet to find a routine or any sort of consistency in my day to day life. Due to moving to a place I’ve never even seen or been to, moving in with my sister and her boyfriend, starting a new job, not knowing anyone besides my sister, my body started to react.

I have been bloated since after thanksgiving, I have been breaking out in hives on my face and my sleep has been greatly affected. All that boils down to is fear and resistance.

I have been through these emotions numerous times and I subconsciously know what to do. However in a state of panic from not sleeping well, thinking clearly has been quite challenging.

Since this new moon and the beginning of December, I have been able to slow down and sit with self. Before bed, I practiced deep breathing exercises and listened to binaural beats on youtube for releasing. That has helped with my sleep along with sleeping with my carnelian crystal sphere, which promotes de-bloating in your sacral chakra.

During the day I have been meditating on releasing old ideas and surrendering. I need to flow down stream and stop resisting. I have been resisting the change and transition and the only reason I can think of is fear. Am I going to make it down here? Am I going to make enough money? Can I afford to live in this type of area? There are so many things to do and place to go…

I am blocking myself and it’s uncomfortable, but I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I have been talking to self about why this is so different than everywhere else, when I realized it’s because I say I am only here till march 1st. Then I’m off on the trip of a lifetime. So now I have given myself, subconsciously a deadline to which, what if I fail….

No matter what life throws at us, as long as you try, there is no failing. You only die once and you live everyday…right?! So one foot in front of the other and let it all go….

Release and relax, these are all lessons that I need to grow through at this time. Quite honestly, all week I have been sleeping through the night. Sometimes I can figure out what is going on with me right away and heal it and then there are times when I am challenged with what is really going on.

This is all part of transitioning into a new book of my life and I am totally grateful for these uncomfortable moments; because I can learn from them and be done with them. It is just making me a stronger, more intuitive and a braver being.

Taking my power back, releasing resistance. Allowing the transition...
Feeling Confident and stepping back into my power
Blog, Metaphysical, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Healing

About a week ago I was working, I am a server at a restaurant with seating upstairs as well as down. It was a Friday night and in the middle of a dinner rush. I was working upstairs and had to consistently go up and down for food and other things.

I was about to make a trip downstairs with a bus bucket full of dirty plates and glasses. I began my trek down the stairs with both hands full and side stepping so that I may see the stairs. My foot got too close to the edge half way down and as if in slow motion I started to fall. I let go of the bus bucket entirely to assure my safety and fell backwards. My foot slipped off the edge so my entire right side of my body was sliding down the stairs.

It was a real loud crash with all the dishes and glasses breaking at the base of the stairs and a thud thud thud as the side of my body kept sliding on the staircase. I laid there for a few moments in shock and looked at this little girl whose eyes were wide and mouth gaping open. She was scared, I was in pure shock. We stared at each other for what felt like eternity when my coworker asked me if I was ok. I stood up, unsure if my body was ok or not and continued as if nothing was wrong. I didn’t know what else to do.

Later that evening I made it home and checked out my body. I started to feel the pain, no bruising yet but I felt it coming. The next morning I was barely able to move. I iced my entire right side, and rubbed lemongrass all over my bruises and ate pineapples to assist my body with the bruising from the inside out.

The following day I was to return to work, I decided I was not going to make it. I was still in such pain. I was able to get my shift covered and went to Flote. Where, as I have mentioned before, I go and float in 1000lbs of epsom salt for an hour. I was still in pain but I felt that it was going to reveal how helpful that was later in the day.

I went home to be greeted by my best friend and for the first time in a long time, I had reiki done to me. It was so nice to be the recipient. I continued to ice for the remainder of the day and finished off my pineapples.

The next day I was going to go back to work regardless of what I was feeling; and after all the healing modalities I worked with since it happened, paid off. I was able to work pain free, as long as no one brushed up against my right side. I made sure to stay out of the way.

Multiple things about how and why this occurred. The right side of the body is your masculine side and your right side is your feminine side. Being that my entire right side had been laid out and bruised up, led me to believe that I am not in balance. I had been working on my feminine side, as in, feeding my inner goddess but seemed to have neglected the masculine side. Bringing them in balance involves me looking into what is going on, on an emotional level and in some cases subconsciously.

In my case, I learned for myself that I was lacking strength, not physical but emotional. Dominance and personal power, being assertive. For me this reflects all relationships I’ve had with men in the past and I’m not talking just about romantic relationships but ALL. I needed to build my strength and courage and release all past relations with men where I had been put down or taken advantage of.

I shared this information with a few of my close friends and Leslie replied back. “You need to get grounded. and you need to go back, way back, childhood, past lives. release, clear and heal the past….go deep Jen, deep into the past. There is something you are avoiding. You have to see it, heal it, clear it. Then you will be able to move forward. It’s dark…body wrenching tears…”

Who wants to go back and figure that out???? I certainly did not want to do such things. Especially the fact that its body wrenching tears. I told her, I will but today is not the day. lol. I honestly took it in and let it go. I would have liked to have said yes lets do this now and figure this out but I didn’t. I needed to heal my body first.

So I left it at that. My birthday was coming up and my best friend and I were going to PEI to get away and that’s when I was going to do it. Because that trip was going to be all about relaxing and healing for the both of us.